Examining the pressures mothers face in meeting holiday and year-end demands.
As the festive season edges closer, many mothers in Singapore find themselves juggling what seems like a superhuman workload. The kids’ exams are in full swing, holiday gatherings need planning, and in the background, the quiet pressure to create perfect memories builds. What starts as an exciting season can quickly become an exhausting, anxiety-fueled marathon. Between wrapping up the school year and organizing celebrations, where’s the joy? For many, it feels lost in the shuffle of endless to-dos.
For mothers, the stakes are high, especially in a culture where a child’s success is often seen as a reflection of parental achievement. With exam results just around the corner, the pressure for children to excel is intense. The outcome? Sleepless nights, mood swings, and physical symptoms like headaches and fatigue. It’s not only the kids feeling the weight of report cards—many mothers feel as if they’re being graded, too.
The Trap of Perfection: When “Good Enough” Just Doesn’t Cut It
Then comes the holiday prep. Some mothers throw themselves into overdrive, scheduling back-to-back tuition sessions for the kids, organising study groups, and crafting Pinterest-worthy festive details. As Christmas nears, the pressure to orchestrate flawless celebrations can ramp up. Weeks are spent planning the “perfect” meals, decorations, and photos, yet the reality often leaves them feeling deflated. It’s a familiar pattern: the vision in our heads doesn’t quite match reality, sparking a cascade of guilt and self-doubt. Are these Herculean efforts really necessary? Or does societal expectations—and maybe a tinge of Instagram envy—drive this perfectionist impulse?
When It’s Just Too Much
The pressure isn’t confined to holiday prep—it begins to bleed into daily life, affecting how mothers interact with their families and friends. Common side effects are feeling frustrated with routine tasks, snapping at partners or kids over small things, or withdrawing socially. The cycle of stress can damage relationships and drain energy, making it even harder to keep up. Signs that things are getting too intense? Persistent worry, exhaustion, changes in appetite, withdrawal from friends, and insomnia. Catching these early is crucial to prevent burnout and find breathing room.
Lightening the Load: Sharing the Work (and the Joy)
The solution might be easier than we think: share the responsibilities. By bringing in partners and kids to help with holiday tasks and study schedules, the workload doesn’t just get lighter—it also becomes a family effort. Sharing the weight doesn’t just reduce stress; it also brings everyone closer, creating shared memories that feel meaningful. When each person contributes, it becomes clear that the joy of the season lies not in perfection but in connection.
Counselling as a Lifeline for Mothers: Finding Real Joy in Parenting
For mothers trapped in the cycle of perfectionism, counselling offers a rare refuge—a space where the mounting pressures of parenting can be unpacked without judgment. Therapy allows mothers to explore the hidden drivers of perfectionism, from the need for validation to cultural expectations and fears of not measuring up. It’s a space to ask: are we pushing ourselves for our children’s sake or to fulfill a vision of motherhood that no one can truly achieve?
Incorporating stress management for mothers, therapy like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) provides practical tools to address these anxieties, helping mothers reframe unrelenting thoughts like, “If I don’t do it all, I’m failing my family,” into kinder, more forgiving beliefs. Therapy encourages a shift away from rigid standards, focusing instead on authentic parenting where success isn’t about flawlessness but about being fully present.
Counselling nurtures self-compassion, allowing mothers to embrace the beautiful chaos of family life and detach from an “Instagram-perfect” image. Instead, they learn to value connection over perfection, discovering joy in everyday moments—the slightly burnt cookies, the less-than-perfect holiday decorations. This shift not only reduces stress but also brings a deeper sense of fulfillment.
As exam results and festive tasks pile up this holiday season, remember that even the “perfect” family celebration can’t replace a calm, happy home. When the pressure feels like too much, counselling is just a conversation away, ready to help you find the joy in parenting and bring peace to the season.
Restoring Peace is a private mental health centre which provides counselling and psychotherapy services for children, adolescents, youths, adult individuals, couples and groups with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief and various mental health and relationship challenges. For more information, please visit www.restoringpeace.com.sg or WhatsApp at +65 8889 1848. For periodic updates, we invite you to join our telegram group: https://t.me/restoringpeace.
Sources:
Psych Central. (n.d.). Parenting stress: The silent struggle. Retrieved October 12, 2024, from https://psychcentral.com/stress/parenting-stress
Parenting Nook Magazine. (2022). Why am I so stressed by my child's exam? https://www.pnmag.com/parenthood/holiday-burnout/
Channel News Asia. (2022). Best tips to survive Christmas as a working mum. https://cnalifestyle.channelnewsasia.com/women/best-tips-survive-christmas-working-mum-292636
Smith, J. (2019). The role of cognitive behavioral therapy in stress management. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 41(3), 211-224. https://doi.org/10.17744/mehc.41.3.n251620751373017
Keywords: stress, mothers, holiday season, family pressure, academic expectations, perfectionism, burnout, mental health, therapy, parenting, counselling, coping strategies, Singapore, anxiety, self-worth, emotional exhaustion
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