How do we hold on to joy when the weight of loss feels heavier than ever?
The holidays amplify everything—joy, togetherness, and, for many, the ache of absence. For those carrying the weight of grief, whether mourning a loved one or navigating the end of a significant relationship, the season can feel overwhelming. Festive cheer, unrelenting traditions, and the societal insistence on happiness often clash with the quiet heaviness of sorrow. Yet, even in this turbulence, the holidays can offer moments of healing and reflection.
Acknowledging the Weight of Grief
Grief takes many forms during the holidays. It might sit quietly at the dinner table, an empty chair serving as a poignant reminder of who is missing. Or it may linger in the background, its presence felt in the ornaments tied to memories too tender to touch. For some, it manifests as avoidance—sidestepping the gatherings, the songs, and even the season itself. The holidays are incredibly potent because they magnify loss, refusing to pause even when your world feels like it has stopped spinning.
The symptoms of grief can intensify during this time. Emotions may swell unexpectedly—waves of sadness or irritability triggered by a familiar song or a festive display. The body, too, bears the weight, with fatigue, insomnia, or frequent illnesses acting as physical echoes of emotional strain. For many, participating in once-beloved traditions feels impossible, while guilt creeps in—guilt for withdrawing, struggling to engage or even experiencing fleeting moments of joy.
Acknowledging these feelings is essential. Grief is not something to "get over" but something to move through, and there are ways to navigate its complexities.
Creating Space for Healing
For some, creating personal rituals can offer solace. Lighting a candle each evening to honour a memory, journaling thoughts too heavy to carry alone, or baking a loved one’s favourite treat can transform loss into acts of connection. These rituals don’t need to be grand; their power lies in anchoring you in the present while honouring the past.
For others, the weight of traditional celebrations may feel too much to bear. In these cases, reimagining the holidays can be a liberating choice. Volunteering at a charity or community centre offers purpose and connection. A change of scenery—a trip to a quieter place, far removed from the season’s expectations—can provide a necessary escape. Spending the day in solitude, intentionally resting or reflecting, can be a meaningful way to engage with the season on your terms.
Grief and joy are not opposites; they can coexist, even if the balance feels precarious. A smile at a fond memory or laughter at an unexpected moment doesn’t betray your grief but honours it. These moments are not about forgetting but about recognising the resilience of your love and the capacity for healing.
The Role of Counselling and Psychotherapy in Grief
Grief therapy offers valuable support, particularly during the holidays when the intersections of loss and expectation can feel overwhelming. Therapists trained in grief work empathise as well as help reframe the stories you tell yourself about loss. If you are frequently disturbed by thoughts like "I should have done more" and "it’s my fault". Grief counselling helps in processing the guilt and provides you with the tools to stay present, allowing you to sit with your grief without being overwhelmed. Therapeutic approaches such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, Expressive therapy, and Narrative Therapy are helpful for individuals and families consumed by cycles of prolonged loss and mourning. Whether the loss of a loved one through death or a break-up of a relationship, these therapies help support you to focus on rebuilding your identity and rediscovering life’s possibilities.
As you move through the season, remember to be gentle with yourself. Let go of rigid expectations—your own and others’—and allow space for your grief. Some days, you might feel ready to engage with the world; other days, retreating inward may be the best option. Both are valid.
Honouring What Remains
The holidays, much like grief, are intricate and layered. They bring contradictions that rarely fit together perfectly. Yet, within this complexity lies a chance to honour what has been lost while finding ways to connect with what remains.
This season can hold space for moments of peace, even if they are fleeting. Love, light, and healing can coexist with loss, offering opportunities for renewal amidst the absence of what once was. If the weight of grief feels too heavy to bear alone, seeking the support of a counsellor is a courageous and hopeful step forward. Help is available; you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Healing isn’t about leaving grief behind but learning to carry it forward—with compassion, strength, and the understanding that your profound sorrow reflects the depth of your love.
Restoring Peace is a private mental health centre which provides counselling and psychotherapy services for children, adolescents, youths, adult individuals, couples and groups with anxiety, depression, trauma, grief and various mental health and relationship challenges. For more information, please visit www.restoringpeace.com.sg or WhatsApp at +65 8889 1848. For periodic updates, we invite you to join our telegram group: https://t.me/restoringpeace.
Sources:
Positive Psychology Team. (2022). Grief Counseling: Definition, Types, Techniques, and Efficacy. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/grief-counseling/
Bradley University. (n.d.). Grief Counseling Strategies: Tools to Help You Support Others. Retrieved from https://onlinedegrees.bradley.edu/blog/grief-counseling-strategies/
Positive Psychology Team. (2021). Breakup Therapy: 11 Therapeutic Approaches to Recover From Heartbreak. Retrieved from https://positivepsychology.com/breakup-therapy/
HelpGuide Team. (n.d.). Dealing with a Breakup or Divorce: Moving On After a Relationship Ends. Retrieved from https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce
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